blah. i have not been feeling well since yesterday and today it is much worse. There is that constant headache, a dry and itchy throat and general tiredness all over. And i can not afford to get sick. These days are crucial to the completion of my program. Thank goodness i have the luxury of three days off to recuperate. But still, there is homework to be done and finished.

 

Ah. the philosophy statement. I don’t even have a personal philosophy to begin with. Just never really examined myself on a personal level for that kind of thing. This paper is due in the next 2 days. Haven’t started. Haven’t the slightest clue on how to start it.

heh.

My head is pounding again and i am tempted to stay in bed much longer, its comfort beckoning. But i guess its time go get up. Time to be productive and not the time to don the sick robe and be miserable.

nursing is such a special work. its rewarding on such a personal level. to be able to help people, to be of comfort when people are sad and depressed. i love it.

and before I go - wanted to say how much I hate very unoriginal people.

the other day , a Janice calls me because she wants to know how to present "baking a cake" to a community health class. I know that the idea was mentioned to her before she started Year 3 and also because that idea was so phenomenal ( for the girl who thought about it first).

 

She said: " my FA wants to bake" and my first reaction was " why would she want you to do that?". Its because she has brought up the idea to her but don't know community concepts well enough to wing it. And so she has to ask me. And of course I  will refuse to give information.

 

Frankly, i have been going back and forth between getting extremely annoyed with her and sometimes liking her. I think its more of annoyed. Yeah, I think that is it!

Just makes me question how much of a friend I am since I can be the type of friend who can be willingly uncooperative, will sabotage them if I think they are borderline silly and you know. I think James is right. I am just really - a jerk and the embodiment of it.

But I find that I don't hate myself so much. Except when I whine about how fat I am then i guess - I DO HATE ME!.

this really sucks. having to wake up so early and before I even need to. it just gives me a massive headache and makes me want to sleep all day. Is this all because I have been too fatigued in the last few days and it lead to this? this feeling stinks. even my sinuses agree.

 

I better go back to bed.

 

>D<

I am ever so lucky.

 

Will be starting work on the 15th of June. Hopefully will be full time after 3 months.

 

Things are looking up. Or so it seems. I hope that no one/ nothing will burst my bubble.

 

I am incredibly stressed, fatigued and severely sleep impaired but what else can I do? There are goals, good things and rewards in the end that I am certainly looking forward to.

 

I am lucky because James is my number one supporter. I love my baby much.

I am lucky. Every single day gives me an opportunity to meet people, to be a part of their lives - no matter how small or how little the interaction. My day is filed with chaos, of simple and complex dramas. Thought provoking dramas, I should say.

But I love it.

today, I woke up and silently asked " Are you there, God? Its me Margaret!". Like the book that i read so long ago.

 

I actually woke up in good spirits today and was not so tired as always. And this morning and for most of the day, I was very thankful and blessed - for having this  day, life and circumstance.

 

Despite the biting cold outside and an almost splitting headache  - I am grateful.

 

Plus, it helps that I am obsessively finishing Farenheit 451 ( which might be bad since i am derailing my study plans~! )

 

that is all.

finally!

will be getting my first RN job at St. Mike's

 

i am so happy!

 

-deanne.

*sigh

Wow.

 

These days, I barely have time to do anything else rather than be on the go. It seems like there is an endless stream of things that needs to be done. School is particularly busy and I get no reprieve from it. Even on my off days.

 

Sometimes, I feel sorry to have to cut my time with James so short. Yes, we try to spend time together on a specific day off. But still, that is not enough. Even on those days, I have to sneak in a little bit of work. Work. Work.Work. It has me in chains and will have bound in the next few months at least.

 

On a good note, I have been going to nursing interviews. I finished 2 interviews already- for totally different positions. I don't know how I did. But I hope and pray that I would get at least one offer. I hope that it is the hospital that I am doing my placement on. Should they decide not to hire me - at least I have other options. There is another interview scheduled for next week. Maybe third time is really the charm because for this upcoming interview - I know what I need to be prepared for. It is a stroke unit after all. I hope everything is pretty straightforward from there.

Hmm..

 

I seem to write a lot of things. Aside from the one thing I really need to write about - my Acute Care essay. =S. Bleh. I figured I still have some time to wing it. Although the hours are going by- wasted.

 

****..

 

Really True Things About Me.

 

1. I am a very angry girl. Little things tick me off and it doesn't take a lot to actually get under my skin. However, working at the hospital is where I keep this ugly side of me. Almost 90% of the time, I have my anger in check and has not yet blown up with any of my patients yet.

 

2. I am hair vain. I actually wish that I have the straight, wavy kind of hair that I envy in girls that actually have them. It takes me 2 hours to straighten my super and uber curly hair. It is a chore but i feel like my hair really makes me look oh so pretty.

 

3. I spend a lot of time playing Bejeweled or surfing the net. If not that, i just waste it all away on Facebook or on other senseless things that isn't worth occupying my time with.

 

4. I am very materialistic. I have a long list of things i want to own. On top of that list are clothes and shoes. Its just a shame that i am a wide-footed human being and can not fit in to most shoes that I would like to dig my heels in.

 

5. The person who gets the brunt of my moods and erratic behaviour is James. Sometimes, I wish I was really much much nicer =/. On the opposite track, I am my sweetest when I am with James and yes, he does bring out the best in me. <3s my baby much.

 

6. I adore my brothers and my sister even though i don't see them so much anymore. Despite their faults, I think the world of them and would do anything that i could to help them ( if i could)

 

7. I do not have a lot of friends but i do have a few close friends that i would not trade for the world. I intend to make more. I am quite choosy when picking friends but i always choose well. I think.

 

8. The song that makes me upbeat all the time is " This Old Heart of Mine" by the Isley Brothers. Its just the one song that always makes me feel good :)

 

9. I have always been secretly jealous of my sister because my mother prefers her to me. Yeah, i know. She is the absolute sweetest to her and i wish that i was a better daughter. Maybe my mother will love me more.

 

10. When i was at 10 or 11, i used to crank call our neighbor because their 'boy' pissed me off.

11. I used to take money from our restaurant's cash drawer so i can buy tapes ( these are pre- CD days) . I had about 100 of them stored at my old house in the Philippines. They are gone now but it just reminds me of how music -crazed i was in those days. I still am. I listen to everything and anything. I don't think i have a specific genre that i listen to anymore.

12. My favorite romantic comedy is A Life Less Ordinary ( Cameron Diaz and Ewan McGregor). I used to own the DVD but now i don't know where my copy is.

 

13. I am part neat freak. I can't stand mess and will clean it all up when its almost unbearable. ALTHOUGH i must say, i make a lot of mess myself and i tend to accumulate mess when i don't have time and the pleasure to do some house cleaning =S

14. I love Apple commercial songs. I love the Apple IpoD. and i probably would own a MAC if i wasn't married to the PC guy.

15. My favorite colors are brown, purple, black and gray

 

16. My favorite filipino food is lumpiang shanghai. I also like menudo and embutido but that depends on who makes it for me.

 

17. I hate filipino spaghetti - the one with hotdogs and is so sweet because of banana catsup. It is so disgusting. No one can force me to eat it.

 

18. I love food!! My favorite places to eat out are - Korean Barbeque, Jack Astor's , Frankie Tomatto's and Lee Town. LoL.

 

19. I can not live without my phone, ipod and computer.

 

20. I am a very caring and giving person - particularly to family and friends. If i had a lot of money, i would be giving them stuff all the time and paying for stuff they need.

 

21. I love reading and collecting books. With James, we have about 200+ books between us and i am sure that our collection will be bigger once i am already a full time nurse and have money to burn at Amazon's and Chapters

22. I am obsessed with collecting air miles. I wish i have the American Express card or at least, the BMO air miles card. But James wont let me =/.

 

23. My favorite things to do with James are: cuddling, hugging, watching movies, eating out, shopping at the Walmart, going out for a walk to buy DQ Chocolate Explosion :)

 

24. My favorite ice cream flavor is no longer cookies and cream. It is now heavenly hash and rocky road.

 

25. I wish i was better at taking patient BP's. then i would say that i am truly a spectacular nurse. It is an area of weakness for me and i hope that i will be able to overcome it in the future.

 

26. I am a hater. I just have a lot of things to hate - in people, in things, places and such. But i guess the thing i hate the most these days is the fucking TTC. Damn you TTC. why cant you ever be on time??

 

27. I wish i can drive. The cars i'd like to drive in the future will include: a neon green beetle, a silver/gray celica, a jeep like my brother's and maybe a van so if James and i  will go travelling - i can take a lot of stuff. Or also a Toyota. just not the matrix or any silly looking car. The corolla will do fine.

 

28. I love travelling. I wish i can do that with James. Hopefully next year.

29. I wish i can do a lot of things i have missed out on - snowboarding, skiing, rock climbing, rapelling, paint ball, laser tag, ice skating, bowling and billiards. Fun things to do but i totally have no experience of doing these things and i wish that one day i will.

30. I hate winter. It just makes me sad sometimes. And i don't drive. Dirty snow pisses me off.

 

31. My favorite day is my birthday.

32. I got my heart broken at least twice. I am glad. because now i have James. He is worth it.

33. I hate crazy loud music like Pantera, Metallica  and i don't even appreciate Linkin Park. What the fuck? its not music.

 

34. I love oldies. Specially the love songs from the Carpenters, Barry Manilow , Beatles and Stevie Wonder.

 

35. I am tired.

gah so much for things to do.

i am still wasting a lot of time =S/

no more CUDDLES!

things to do

1. finish my acute care notes.

2. start studying for clinical

3. finish East of Eden ( yes it is taking me a while but i am absorbing the story well. Cathy is so evil. and also, what happened to Charles?!)

4. do some physical activity and improve my diet. Yes, this problem has plagued me in the last few years. but i am ready to make really good changes to both my diet and physical activity

5. balance my work life, school life and my home life. this is a bit tricky since there will be so many things going on but hopefully, i will be able to handle everything.

6. improve my skills. ( lab on Monday. i hope that i will be able to make good use of this clinical to improve my skills and leave me in a better position to become the RN i want to be in the future )

7. work hard.

8. also, some house keeping. grrr. our house needs constant house keeping to maintain order. =D.